Sunday, May 6, 2007

ESPN are a Bunch of Cockgobblers

So, I know everyone was expecting some very interesting, insightful banter on my part about the recent circus spectacle that was the 2007 NFL Draft. I know you guys really care about my thoughts on the Saints and their draft this year. I know you want to know what I think about new wide receiver Robert Meachem and the possibility of the Saints nabbing up recently released wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson. That'll come, patient and stop throwing tomatoes and other assorted vegetables at your computer screen.

But, I've got a little bit of a chip on my shoulder today. My wife and I watched the Draft last Saturday and Sunday, and I have to say that ESPN has turned it into one of the most over analyzed bull squash-laiden sessions of grab ass I've ever witnessed. I thought the Draft began at 11:00 CDT. After all, that's what my guide told me on the TV. What it didn't tell me was that the 11:00 hour of ESPN's "coverage" was just a bunch of cornholers talking about what they thought might happen when the Draft actually started at noon. So, I had to sit through one hour of Mel Kiper's helmet hair, Chris Berman's nonsensical knicknaming and Keyshawn Johnson saying how he can't wait to get back on the field in a Panther uniform...was it just me who got a raging boner when the Panthers released him the following Monday? Good for them.

That's not the worst of it, though. Today, when I got back home from New Orleans, where I muffed up Audobon Golf Course, I had time to catch the 5:00 edition of Sports Center. Well, if you haven't heard already, Roger Clemens has signed a prorated $28 M deal with the Yankees. Big freakin' deal, I say. But, it's ESPN's complete and utter ridiculous purple throbber for all things Yankee/Red Sox that just makes me sick. Look, buttplugs, the rest of the "flyover" states really don't give a crusty rat's ass about the stupid Yankees or Sox. Never mind the fact that the Milwaukee Brewers are setting the pace in the National League and that the Atlanta Braves are yet again charging the NL East or that the Chicago Cubs have won 8 of their last 9 games, but still trail the Brew Crew by 5 games in the NL, Roger tap-dancin' Clemens gets to bring his undersized cock and oversized ego back to Yankee Stadium and ESPN thinks it's the greatest thing since...well...Roger Clemens brought his undersized cock and oversized ego to Yankee Stadium.

They spent 40 of the 60 minutes of Sports Center talking about Roger and his minute genitalia. That's unheard of. I'm beginning to loathe ESPN with every ounce of my being and if they don't satisfy their sexual affliction with all things New England I'm going to boycot them. It's getting out of hand. If only FOX could realize what ESPN's doing wrong and create the same kind of show, but for "the rest of us." I'd watch.

Anyway, more to come on the Saints and their draft. And more Cubs wish wash, too. They won in 10 innings today, sweeping the Nationals at Wrigley Field this weekend. But, don't expect to hear that kind of nonsense on ESPN. Cockgobblers.


Katie said...

Forget about the stupids at ESPN. I'm making you Tortilla Stuff tonight. That makes everything better. Right?

erwhitey said...

I agree with that! I knew the Cubs had been winning, but for lack of just having to dig around and look it up myself - which took two clicks but c'mon! - I had no idea they had won 8 of 9. Good for them. The summer is better when the Cubs and Braves win. And as for the Saints, I just hope that this UT receiver turns out better than the last one.

Terd Furgeson said...

You're right...the summer is always better when the Cubs are winning. As for the Braves, you have to admire the way they continually win that division with home-grown talent. Way to go, Atlanta.

The Sarge said...

Good stuff. To ESPN, anything that takes place outside of New York or Boston is considered regional coverage. Is Peter Gammons even aware that there are 28 other teams in MLB? The guy has never quit being a Boston reporter, but he gets a national platform under the mistaken belief that any of us give a crap about the Sawx.

In a Nutsack said...

Well, welcome, Sarge. Good to get a new reader every once in a while.

As long as they keep forgetting about the rest of the league, it's really boring to watch Sports Center when it's 90% East Coast shinanigans. You'd think even those folks would get tired of it at some time, too.