The Dome is Closed...for Now

The Dome is officially closing down. Don't fret, all two of you. As I've mentioned before, I have a new gig. You can find the same ole me at a new address with some new friends at Wrigleyville23.blogspot.com.

It was a fun ride, albeit slightly neglectful on my part. So, for now, head on over to Wrigleyville to get your fill. That's where I'll be shackin', probably sleeping on the sofa bed, at least until I get fired.

Nutsack's Got a New Gig

Step 1. Get a crappy blog. Check.

Step 2. Tentatively post to your blog frequently. Check.

Step 3. Forget about your blog temporarily, neglecting what little success it had from start because you're a lazy dunderhead that plays too much XBOX Live. Check-a-mundo.

Step 4. Continue neglecting your blog so that your blog "friends" worry about your wellness and lively hood so much that they send you personal emails ensuring that you're still breathing. Oh, yeah...check.

Step 5. Receive a random invitation to "contribute" to a friendly blog of the same ilk, accept said invitation, and continue the future neglecting of your current blog. Check.

That'll be $35.95, please. Well, it seems as though your good friend In a Nutsack has been recruited by the fine folks over at Wrigleyville23 to be an everyday contributor to their fine establishment. Well, I've taken them up on their offer and plan to be worth every penny. Literally. So, The Dome's content and other whatnots can now be found at Wrigleyville23, and they can now prepare for the success I know Sarge and Wrigleyville have been searching for since the dawn of their site's creation. Whoopie?

Thanks to those guys, they are a class act.

Christmas and Thanksgiving Hiatus/I'm a Lazy Bastard

So, it seems that The Dome has been slightly missed by the "blogging community." Honestly, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Well, to be honest, the sentiment is endearing and I trully feel your pain. I've been a bad daddy to The Dome. I've been neglectful and downright abusive. I apoligize. I know that you miss me.

But, there are some very good sports (When I say sports, I mean baseball. And, when I say baseball, I mean the Cubs.) blogs out there. There's the always truthfully cutting Wrigleyville23. Wrigleyville and The Sarge have become good friends of the Nutsacker. They know their Cubs knowledge and are quick to point out how incredibly off-point official Cub media outlets are at this time. There's no better way to start out a morning at the old work station than sipping on some dark coffee and looking up Wrigleyville23 for the day's newest one-liner. The site is updated once a day, at least, and sometimes two, three or even four times a day. WV23 is one of my favorite sites, and they deserve your utmost attention.

Next, there's my, er, good friends over at Hire Jim Essian!. The true draw to this site, and Bad Kermit may hate to hear this, is a little fixture called the ShoutBox where all the assclownery, poo joking, and incessant racism occurs. When there's down time at work, I'll be hanging out in the ShoutBox, doing my best to bring down the standards of HJE!. However, ShoutBoxing aside, Bad Kermit's articles are always insightful, well-written, and usually downright funny. His commentaries on Cubs.com's Carrie Muskat's Mailbag are worth your while.

Next up are my friendly bartenders at Thunder Matt's Saloon. Not to be confused with Thunder Matt's Salon, which is something totally different. Not that there's anything wrong with that. At the Saloon, you'll find more than just Cubs news, although the site is centered around The Dome's favorite Cub, Thunder Matt Murton. No, at the Saloon, you'll find random news about the NFL, MLB, and NCAA. What, there's more? Sure...there'll also be some movie reviews and more hilarious pictures you can shake a stick at.

So, even though things are sluggish at best here at The Dome, there are other alternatives. I'll get back to things here shortly, but in the meantime, enjoy your holidays and continue keeping it real.

Oh, and the Saints are 5-6, two games back of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, whom they play this Sunday in the Superdome. It's been a rollercoaster season and let's hope the Saints can make things interesting in the NFC South by depantsing the Bucs this weekend and moving ever closer to the division title. Go Saints.

One more thing: The Cubs resigned Kerry Wood to a one year, $4.2 M contract yesterday. The Dome has a giant chubby.

The Dome's Halloween Spooktacular!!! Mwaaaaahhhhhh hahahahahaha!!!!

It's officially Halloween at The Dome. Really? Wow, I can't believe tomorrow will already be November 1, which means only one thing: my one-month free membership to XBOX Live will have reached it's completion. I guess I'll have to fork up the $50 soon to get myself a brand spankin' new one-year membership. Anyway, enough of my rambling.

Isn't Halloween one of the greatest "holidays" on the planet? It's the one time of the year where college girls (bless their sweet little hearts) can throw dignity and self-respect to the wind and dress their little tight bodies up like this. And this. And this. And this. And finally, this. That last one isn't a hot little college girl, per se', but scary nonetheless.

So, Happy Halloween, Cubs, Saints, and LSU fans alike. I know it's a weird amalgomation of folks, but we can all get along, right? Sorry for the lack of posting, as I'm sure you guys really are clamoring for my nonsense, but I'm just a lazy ass who really likes not doing stuff. So, there. Enjoy the Halloween Hump Day and stay tuned.

Have No Fear, The Dome is Still Alive!

With the Cubs out of the MLB playoffs, it's now time to return to Saints football. But, for my "friends" who try to stop by The Dome from time to time to see what I have to say about all things Cub, I'll do my best to include them in my postings. Not that you really like me all that much, but because we have this terrible flesh-eating affliction called being a Cubs fan.

Anyway, I have some actual work to do at work today, so a new, relevant, deep thought post may be up tonight or sometime tomorrow. So, for now, enjoy your Hump Day blues and just remember...tomorrow is Thursday, which is a day before Friday. Yay?

Congratulations to the Colorado Rockies for owning the MLB playoffs and winning 21 of their last 22 games. Eat it, ESPN. It looks like the Indians are going to beat the BoSox to be the AL's representative in the World Series. What's sad is that two very solid baseball teams will be in the dance come the end of October, but no one will watch because neither coast will be represented. Boo frickety hoo, you self-absorbed a-holes. The "flyover" states can play, too.

Stay tuned, because I'll be posting a "pick 'em" style for the upcoming NFL slate for this weekend, and you won't want to miss it. Or, you might...but, if you do, you're a douche balloon. Happy Boss' Day to all of you...what greater way to celebrate my boss by posting on my blog during business hours? Sue me. Enjoy your day, kids.

Holy Shit! They Actually Did It!!!

Congratulations to the Chicago Cubs. That's right, your 2007 National League Central Division Champions. And, go me for not giving up. God knows they gave me plenty of opportunities to throw in the towel, but they also provided many more moments to remember. Awwww...I love you guys.

If that didn't ice the cake of awesomeness, my 360 made it safe and sound back to the house. Microsoft was kind enough to throw the old console away and saved me many lonely nights of watching the History Channel and Dog: The Bounty MILF Hunter episodes by replacing it with a brand new model. Even better, they sent a 1 month XBOX Live Gold membership with the new toy and my life will be forever changed. If you have Live, look for "In a Nutsack" to be sniping your stupid face on Rainbow Six Vegas and Call of Duty 2 in the very near future.

Ready for a little more asskickery? LSU is now #1 in the polls, leapfrogging over USC. The Trojans should have lost that game to Washington, though. The Tigers get Florida next at home in Tiger Stadium, though it's the Kentucky Wildcats who trully scare the bejeebus out of me.

Okay, enough random for one post. Enjoy your "case of the Monday's."

QUIT LOLLYGAGGING!!!

Hey, Sweet Lou...yeah, I'm talkin' at you. Take your damn head out of your hands and have a look-see at the pissed off, 6'-2" 185 lb. ball of awesomeness and brutal furocity of average white-bread Americana staring you in the face. You think you're stressed out? I have a Saints/Cubs/LSU blog...times are rough around here, and I don't need you starting infected vaginas like Stella Trachsel in the midst of the most critical week of this Cubs' long season.

I know, you probably didn't ask for Trachsel. Hendry thought he'd be cute and "surprise" you with Sean Marshall's right-handed evil twin. What the hell prompted you to start the lineup you flopped on that card yesterday? If Trachsel wasn't bad enough, you go and throw Jock in center (against a lefty, by the way) and a Detroit reject hack named Craig Monroe in right. Don't you know that it's the peak of hurricane season, and Thunder Matt is at Cat 4 status at the moment?

Look, there at the beginning of the week, we Cubs fans felt pretty strongly that we'd sweep this week's game schedule and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. However, after dropping the Florida series via the sweep, things are glum. I'm not going to be all doom and gloom, but backing into the Central Division champoinship and the playoffs is not the way I wanted to watch this team make the postseason. There are only three games left at the launching pad in Cincinnati. For Jeebus' sake, put up 30 runs a game and let's just put this thing away. The Brewers obviously don't want it. Make me want to watch the postseason...y'know, it's been, like...years.

Slap to the Face, Kick to the 'Nads, and a Giant Foot Up the Ass

31-14...again? I don't really know what happened to this team during the summer months, but I want my 2006 Saints back. The team looked really, really, really lackluster during Monday night's debacle, and now that the Saints have fallen all the way down to 0-3 on this short season, the outlook is even more ominous considering the sudden loss of Deuce McAllister for the season due to a torn ACL and meniscus in his left knee. Deuce tore the same ligament in his right knee in 2005, when Aaron Stecker was forced to take the reigns for the remainder of that season. Deuce is a 28 year old running back with two major knee injuries in his short career. His career may be in jeopardy. If Reggie Bush proves that he can handle the full workload of an NFL running back, and hopefully add a little bulk, the Saints might defer not to keep Deuce around for the $3.7M he's due in 2008. They may, however, ask to redo his contract to keep him around, but I wouldn't doubt he be signed by the Falcons and return to 1,500 yard, 12 TD form soon after. The injury bug also bit cornerback Jason David, as he has a broken forearm and is out 4-6 weeks.

Drew Brees was Rex Grossman-esque in the loss and, in fact, the two quarterbacks share very similar numbers so far this year. At a quick glance, Grossman has only 1 TD to 6 INT's compared to Brees's 1 TD to 7 INT's. Wow...that's really startling, especially considering that we all know that Rex Grossman is awful. Surely, this is just a funk that Brees has entered in his brief Saint career.

The offensive line has been pretty shaky so far, something that was expected of them last year, when they were way underexperienced to NFL action. The defensive line has provided absolutely no pressure to opposing quarterbacks. Vince Young, on Monday night, was allowed to stand in the pocket behind his wall of Titan lineman and pick apart the Saints defense. The safeties have been no where near the ball, nor have they laid any hits on crossing receivers. All in all, the team has been "what we thought they were" last year.

The Saints have a week off, and the season isn't over by a long shot. Here is where Sean Payton will show off his giant manhood. With Deuce out, look for some creative packages and designed running plays that maximize Reggie Bush's running style. There will be more draw plays with three and four wide receivers. Look for the rookie cornerback out of Kent State, Usama Young, to get a lot of playing time in the weeks to come now that David is on the shelf. Also, Robert Meachem might see the field as Devery Henderson has been a supreme turd so far. There will probably be some roster moves in the coming week or so, and the Saints may get creative. Or, they might just ride this one out.

Side note: The San Francisco 49'ers recently signed KR/PR/WR Michael Lewis. Good for you, Beer Man. Good luck. Go Saints.

Cubs 3.5 Games Up; Saints Set for Titans

I know it's been a couple days, and I know you've missed the plethera of poo jokes and male genetalia references, but The Dome was away for the weekend, catching up on some good ole fashioned Cubs baseball.

It seems that Lou is the kinda guy that gets it. It may be a day late here or there, but you have to admit, you'd never see Geovany Soto playing in front of Jason Kendall in the past regime, dude. Because, Jason is a veteran and he has experience, dude. And by experience, I mean he's seen many grounders to second base for that sweet 4-3 put out. Dude. My point is that it's entirely refreshing to see our beloved Thunder Matt getting starts during the weekend with Geo. Although some might loathe to admit it, Lou decided to give Ronny Cedeno a start and he singled and homered in three runs to help in yesterday's 8-0 win over Pissburgh. What's even sweeter is that these guys are getting chances to help out and they're actually coming through.

One more thing before I move on to the Saints...big ups to Sam Fuld, the kid who made that outstanding double play in Saturday's game to get Scott Eyre out of trouble in that inning. That may very well be the Cubs' play of the year.

The Saints take on the Tennessee Titans tonight on ESPN's Monday Night Football. I'm excited about the game, but the Saints really need to focus tonight because the Panthers and Bucs are poised to make this a two team race before the blink of an eye. Go Saints, Go Cubs!!!

0-2: Gotta be a Rope-a-Dope...Right? Right?

Ugh. You knew that the Colts were probably going to beat the Saints in Week One. It's pretty much written in the United States Constitution that Peyton Manning win every game he ever plays in and also must star in every NFL commercial ever. I don't mind Peyton. In fact, I find him to be quite humorous. And, there's that whole 6'5", 245 lb quarterback with the laser, rocket arm thing he's got going. He's good...no, he's great. We get it. But, after the dismantling the Saints took two Thursdays ago, you really didn't expect a team of Sean Payton's to just bend over and spread 'em like they did yesterday againts the Buccaneers.

How stupid is the secondary in New Orleans? The Bucaneers threw to only one receiver...his name is Joey Galloway. Don't the coaches know that Galloway absolutely shreds this defense every time they play Tampa Bay? Hell, they might trot out another receiver just for semantics, sure. But, throw to another receiver than Galloway? Uheard of. From now on, I want to see five defenders all over Joey Galloway until the Bucs prove that they can do something else to beat us.

Next on my shit list is Jeff Garcia. Just when I thought we had burried this shitkicker for good in last year's playoff game against the Eagles, he resurrects himself from the dead and is now the new Joe Montana? Kiss my ass, you Sloth look-alike.

And finally...what the hell happened to this offense? I'll tell you what happened. We can't stop the pressure from getting to Drew Brees. Although he is fairly good at avoiding sacks by getting rid of the ball, pressure leads itself to many inaccurate passes and on rare occasions, interceptions. Not good for the whole "winning" idea. Our receivers can't catch this year, and our running backs can't hold on to the ball. It was just a terrible game all around.

The Saints are in last in the NFC South. However, with the three other teams at 1-1, that only puts the Saints a single game out of first with 14 games left on the year. Next up is Tennessee on Monday night. Let's hope to Jeebus almighty that this ship gets turned around...and quick.

The Departed

No, this isn't one of those legendary TDIH movie reviews (though, be on the lookout for a review of a couple flicks I saw recently). This, sadly, is a report on one of my very best friends in the whole wide world...he's now one of the departed. He is...my XBOX 360. And, he's experienced what you see to the left, more commonly known (amongst the super breed of nerds) as the Red Ring of Death. This little gem occurs when an XBOX 360 undergoes an "internal hardware failure." Yeah, I know. Tragic.

If that isn't the worst of it, I consulted the XBOX help line and some robotron voiceover named Matt assisted me. Come to find out, the three red lights on the ring of light is a fairly common occurance, especially among the early models of the 360. At this moment, I was fearing the worse. Moreover, I realized that I bought my console off ebay, realizing that I probably don't have any kind of warranty. And, in fact...I didn't.

However, after going to the www.XBOX.com support website, I was able to register for a Windows Live account, thus registering my console with XBOX.com and getting me set up for a future of XBOX Live gaming, once my console is back in my graces, safe and sound. All I had to do was register a repair for my 360, and the good folks at Microsoft willl send me a prepaid box to ship it to their repair center.

To make this long story short, I've just sent off my console to the XBOX Texas repair center, and I'm hoping that the wonderful surgeons at the facility have no complications and all will be well. It's been a rough week since the ring of death hit, but with the prayers of the faithful and a few too many adult beverages, I shall survive.

Jeebus...16 To Go

Forgive me, but it's Friday and I had the day off to enjoy good times with the little wife, some sushi, and a good movie (Beerfest--movie review to come), so I'm deciding to leave today's entry a little short and pretty much laxidasical.

The Cubs topped the Astros in Houston last night, taking two of three. They head to a world of jorts and mustard-stained muscle T's ("muscle" used loosely, of course) to face the Cardinals. Hopefully, the Cubs can scrape their bare asses across the grave that will be the Cardinals season this weekend and move ahead of the Brewers. Only 16 games left to a fairly mediocre season. But, in a season when piss-poor wins the NL Central, let's hope the Cubs can be the least bad team and make it to October. Finally. Yay?

Position by Position: Running Backs

Well, here it is you little babies. I know all zero of you have been waiting patiently at your computers for today's "Position by Position" installment: Running Backs. So, I will thank you in advance for taking time out between porn surfing, self-violating sessions to have a look at this year's running backs class, which has changed a whole lot of nothing since last year, save for a rookie free agent making the squad. Alas...

Starting Tailback: #26, Deuce McAllister (Mr. Fantasy); Madden 08 rating of 89

In the 2006 season, Deuce rushed 244 times for 1,057 yards (a solid 4.3 yards per carry average) and 10 rushing TD's, while managing to catch 30 balls for 198 yards in the Saints' intriguingly diverse offense. Known as a fan favorite in the Dome, and a native of nearby Lena, MS, Deuce was accepted by the Superdome crowds as soon as he was drafted out of Ole Miss in a surprise first round selection by former head coach Jim Haslett in 2001, a year in which incumbent headcase running back Ricky Williams was still on the roster. Since then, Deuce has been a predominately power-style runner, when healthy, and a model citizen throughout his career. Never a problem child, Deuce welcomed the apparent movie star man child that is Reggie Bush last year and the two have teamed up to be one of the most formiddable one-two punches in the NFL since Draft Day 2006. Deuce has always been a team player for the Saints, and I hope that he can finish his career here, even though it may seem that Reggie is the heir-apparent to the throne in New Orleans. The Dome loves Deuce, and so does Mrs. Nutsack. 'Nuff siad.

Second String Tailback, #25 Reggie Bush; Madden 08 rating of 89

God bless the bumbling morons in Houston, TX. First, they help us after Hurricane Katrina, then they decide that some schmuck on the defensive line would be better for them than all-world running back Reggie Bush. Though, Reggie may be disliked and despised by some, he's done nothing while with the Saints to prove the notion. Hailing out of Southern California, one would assume he reeks of Leinartesque flamboyance and sporting the Pete Carrol smirk of "I'm better than you," however overconfident Reggie might seem, as long as he leaves it on the field, he's fine by me. Keep up the good work, Reggie.

Third String Tailback/Return Blocker, #27 Aaron Stecker, Madden 08 rating of 74

Stecker was primarily a backup third-down back last year, however playing a major role in special teams as a return blocker for Michael Lewis. Always giving 100% on the field, Aaron has proven his worth with reliable hands and a versatile power/shifty running style. He's a reliable backup for carrying the load if Deuce gets hurt, and it would be very interesting to see how Coach Payton uses him if that happens.

Fourth String Tailback, #23 Pierre Thomas; Madden 08 rating of UNRATED (Not in the game)

Pierre who? I'll tell you who. Thomas went undrafted out of Illinois this year, and the Saints signed him to a free agent contract after the draft. Despite the Saints picking former Ohio State running back Antonio Pittman in the fourth round of the Draft this year, what was considered a high value selection, Thomas beat him out hands down. Maybe the final straw was the Kansas City preseason game, where Pierre rushed for over 100 yards and showed the ability to break tackles and displayed superior footwork to Pittman's. Ultimately, Thomas may prove to be a good return man at best, but beating out a fourth-rounder for a roster spot is a vicotry in and of itself. Well done, young man. I sincerely hope you get your chance.

Starting Fullback, #44 Mike Karney; Madden 08 rating of 88

Karney's been with the Saints his entire career, an original draftee of the Jim Haslett era. A fine pickup he was, as he's been one hell of a lead blocker for Deuce and the gang. His coming out party may have been in Dallas last season, where he scored three touchdowns in that game, the only three of his career. Karney's one of the most underrated backs in the NFL, but I assure you he's widely known among the NFC South's defensive units. He's been a beast so far for the Saints, and I hope he'll continue his success for years to come. He's one of my favorite Saints, and a peculiar one I must admit. A smash-mouth blocker that will eat children, piss excellence, fart awesomeness, and crap asskickery, Karney is perhaps the best pure blocking fullbacks in the NFC, and maybe only second to San Dieog's (in French, it means "a whale's vagina") Lorenzo Neal, a former Saint himself (1993-1996).

Well, there you have it. Next up, a look at the Saints' receiving corps, which might take up all the space on the front page. I hope you knucklebrains are ready.

SIDE NOTE: The Cubs beat the Astros 3-2 in Houston last night, amidst the looming fury of then Tropical Storm Humberto. They moved back into a first place tie with the Beermakers, and with only 17 games to go in the campaign, who really would have thought they'd be this close? Go Cubs, Go Saints!!!

A Promise is a Promise

I did promise a few friends a post for yesterday. I also promised another look at the Saints in the Position by Position series. That, hopefully, will become a reality soon...if you're good. Anyhow, since I really don't have anything relevant to say, here are a few things going on in the world of sports, and in the world in general, to go along with a moderately funny/interestingly disturbing picture. I don't know when, where or why this was taken, or if it is a doctored photo, but if it's real, the folks in the foreground re completely way too into themselves. Anyway, here goes the nieghborhood.

The New England Patriots, otherwise known as the love children of ESPN, are cheaters, cheaters, pumpkin eaters (sorry, Wrigleyville23). That's right, Belichick and the rest of the Pats were caught as a spy, on behalf of the Pats, was caught video taping the New York Jets' sideline. Boooooo...go to hell, New England. Take Hillary Clinton and the BoSox with you.

Saint Louis Cardinals former pitcher, turned outfielder/Barry Bonds wannabe Rink Ankiel was found to have used HGH, or human growth harmone, in his "comeback." Aaaawwwww...what a joke baseball is starting to be. As much as I hate Ankiel and the Cardinals, you have to wonder...if Ankiel took a year's supply of HGH and baseball is all over his back about it, just as he begins to see some success and can make a living out of being a real-life baseball player, why the hell can't MLB nail Barry for God knows what he took to become the next coming of Joe Young. By the way, since Barry isn't in the MLB Player's Association, his real name isn't used in video games. So, they actually use the name Joe Young. Please click the link on Joe Young...the irony is so ZING!

LSU is awesome at this crazy American sport called football.

I saw Super Bad. I'll have a review on it soon.

The Cubs are back in 2nd place. This will be followed by two days in first, three in second, two more in first, and me kicking myself in the gonads because I hate this team! But, really...just win the damn thing.

Britney Spears is old and fat. And obviously a retard. Sorry to all you retards, I know that comparison is harsh.

Okay, that's about all I got for now. Sorry for the lackluster effort. I'll try harder next time.

The Dome is Back

Well, The Dome is back from vacation, and just in time to catch the Saints getting a gigantic scrotum thrashing by the hands of the Colts. Let's just say that the mood is somber at the moment...the Cubs (well, Dempster) blew a lead today and lost to fall to the Dodgers and tailspin into a first-place tie with the Brewers.

Drew Brees has been nothing special tonight, throwing for a little more than a hundred yards with a pick and a fumble so far through the fourth quarter. However, the biggest reasons for the bad showing tonight has to come from two areas: cornerback Jason David (who will now be called Fred Thomas, Jr.) and the offensive line. But, don't fret Saints fans. This Colts team is very special. They look amazing, and in rare form. I don't think this Saints team can compete, at their very best, with the Colts just yet. In any event, Fred Thomas, Jr. better remember what it feels like to be a professional football player soon, because if he doesn't, he'll be handwashing Fred Thomas' jockstrap for the next couple months.

Keep your heads up. The Colts are an amazing team, and it was an unlucky draw for this upstart Saints club. New Orleans never really showed up, and it can be concerning. But, this is one of the best teams in the NFC, regardless of what the Colts do to them. It's going to be a good season for the Saints, but let's not try to be blinded by last season's miracle. More to come, later, like the running backs "Position by Position" series, and maybe a few poo jokes and audible fart noises, if you're lucky.

Getting Used to Kicks in the Man Tackle

Ugh. You see? Do you finally see? This is why I'm so "eh" about the Cubs in first place. I think it's because I'm not used to it. On a night when Ben Shits takes the mound after his 967th DL stint, the Cubs act like they've never seen the guy. Ever. Or that white, leathery orb thingy called a baseball. Should I hit it? Eh. Should I catch it? Eh. Should I throw it directly to another one of the guys wearing the same clothes as me? Eh.

I'm not going to get all doom and gloom over the loss last night, but when those millionaires turn in performances like that when they're playing a divisional opponent and both teams are contending for the lead in the NL Central, it just frustrates you to the point where you wouldn't mind punching a baby in the forehead. For some of us, (looking at bocaj) it takes less.

However disturbing last night's lollygagging joke of a game is to us, the fact remains that our gang of shitkickers are indeed leading the division (that no one wants to win) by 1.5 games in September (well, almost) with only a handfull of games left on the schedule. The rubber (stop the snickering in the back!) game is tonight, and let's hope the Cubs raise up on their feeble hind legs and donkey punch the Brewers in the throat muscle.

Also tonight, for your television and football viewing pleasure, the Saints take on the Dolphins in their final preseason game. Hopefully, Robert Meachem will show up and play well. And, finally...NCAA football is here. LSU kicks off the whole college season as they travel to Starkvegas to face the Bulldongs of Mississippi State. Should be fun.

One more note: The Dome and it's omnipotent creator will be on hiatus (vacation) at the beach for the next week, starting tomorrow. If you happen to be in Santa Rosa, Florida next week, be on the lookout for the guy wearing the neon-green wrestling suit/bananahammock. I'll be the guy kicking his ass. Go Cubs, go Saints and GEAUX TIGERS!!!

Cubs Win; Brewers Fall to Third as Cards Beat Astros

The Cubs pulled another win out of the magic hat last night, beating the Beermakers 5-3, spiraling them back to third place in the NL Central as the Cardinals scrote-whipped the Astros 7-0 in Houston last night. The Cards are now at .500, in second place, and 2.0 games back of the Cubs. Dum, dum duuuuummm!

Soriano's back, and he claims to be 90%. I guess 90% of Alfie is way better than 100% of the clusterfuck that is Craig Monroe, the beloved Thunder Matt, Statue Floyd and whoever else's corpse Lou trots out there. Soriano also mentions that he'd be willing to bat wherever Lou asks him to in the lineup. Why the hell is Lou asking him to hit in a certain spot? Why isn't ole steel testicles yelling at him to bat 5th so that we can smash this division like we should have done weeks ago? Theriot did a fine job filling in the leadoff spot, but Alfie and his 0-4's are back with The Riot sliding down to 2nd.

I've mentioned a couple times that I'm just not creaming my shorts for baseball right now. And, I'm presumably insane for it. I'm insane for other things, and surely baseball is the least of my worries in that department. But, with the Cubs 2.0 games up on second place Saint Louis (really?), one would think I'd be shaking like Tweak from South Park with excitement. While I'm happy with the Cubs being in first place, especially in September, I'm still kinda...well..."eh" about the whole thing. After all this time and suffering and blood and guts and broken puppy noses I've put into being a Cubs fan, this is how I repay myself? By playing GRAW2 on my 360 during Cubs games? There was a time when I'd actually tune into Pat and Insane Ron Santo and listen to the game on MLB Radio (which I paid a hefty $15 for, thank you) while playing GRAW2 on my 360.

Maybe it's the newness of the upcoming football season. LSU plays some all-girl's college from Mississippi tomorrow night, and the Saints finish up their preseason schedule with a tilt against one of Saban's victims. Maybe it's that I'll be leaving for the beach at 6:30 am on Friday morning and I don't want the possibility of a Cubs meltdown ruining my good time. Maybe I'm just an ungrateful bastard and I should be taking in any good that comes from the Cubs organization, even if it turns out to be one giant cockteasing ballmasher. Maybe I just realized that this could be the season...Go Cubs.

PUBIC SERVIX ANNOUNCEMENT: It was brought to my attention from our buddies in the HJE! Shoutbox that it might be a good idea to seperate The Dome into two sites: The Dome 1.0 (the original), which would be dedicated soley to Saints football, and another, not-yet-created blog dedicated solely to Cubs baseball. What do you kids think? Send me your thoughts in the "Comments."

Position by Position: Quarterbacks

Well, today I'll be starting a new "series" at The Dome. I'll be taking a look at the Saints position by position and ranking them against Madden 08's most assuredly accurate and astute observations and rankings of the same. Today's positional peek: Quarterbacks.

The quarterback is arguably the most recognized and followed figure on an NFL team. He's the cliche' field general, but that phrase is fairly accurate. When you think of how hard it must be to take a snap, run backwards for up to 7 steps, all while looking downfield and "progressing through your reads," then dodge 270 lb lindebackers and 330 lb defensive linemen all looking for that one chance they may get to decapitate you...avoid all those obstacles, and all the while assuming that all your linemen protect you from your doom, you still have to lead a pass to some woodenhead running at 15 mph followed/covered by one, two or three more woodenheads running at the same clip, and hit your woodenhead in the hands or right between the numbers. It just so happens that the Saints have one of the best guys in the business doing that for them.

Starter: #9 Drew Brees; Madden 08 rating of 95

All Drew did last year was solidify himself as one of the saviors of this franchise, while making a stand for being one of the best quarterbacks in all of football. He completed 356 of 554 passes (a 64.3 completion percentage) for 4,418 yards, 26 TD's and only 11 INT's for a 96.2 quarterback rating. Drew found reliable receivers in Marques Colston and Devery Henderson, but he also hit a multitude of targets during the season, spreading the ball around to Reggie Bush and Deuce McAllister and all 73 of the guys who attempted to play tight end last season.

Drew has come to New Orleans and led this team on the field and off. He's been the biggest reason for this team's abrupt turnaround from worst to first, and has set the bar very high for the future of New Orleans Saints football. I know it's been noted of my shining, gooey mancrushes on Ryan Theriot and Thunder Matt Murton of the Cubs, but my one true love is Drew Brees. He's the proverbial "man" of this team, and as he goes, they go. Without him, we're screwed. Which leads me to...

Backup: #10 Jaime Martin; Madden 08 rating of 76

Well, Jaime Martin is pretty much the Anti Drew Brees. He's a statue in the pocket and has minimal armstrength. He has problems getting rid of the ball quickly, something Drew excels at. The Saints should be looking at alternatives to Jaime, because if Brees goes down with a long-term injury, Martin cannot be counted on to deliver anywhere close to the caliber of offensive production and consistency that Drew Brees can.

Third Team/Practice Squad: #3 Tyler Palko; Madden 08 rating of 66

Palko is an undrafted rookie free agent out of the University of Pittsburgh (Pitt Panthers) who will most certainly make the team as the emergency quarterback/practice squad quarterback. He's got a powerful left arm, can throw on the run, and is a rugged gamer who is very good at ad-libbing and making plays on the fly. Head coach Sean Payton must believe he can groom him as a solid back-up in the mold of Drew Brees, as Tyler possesses some of the traits Drew displays. If Palko had two or three years under his belt, he'd be ahead of Jaime Martin on the depth chart. However, with experience and reps, he could overtake Martin for the backup role at some point this year, and don't be surprised if he takes Martin's job for good next year.

So, there you have it. Our starting quarterback is a turf devouring sex tornado of awesomeness, and he can't be stopped. Lest he gets injured, the Saints should have a very good offensive season this year. Keep an eye peeled for the Saints to make a move for a backup at quarterback, as early as right before Opening Kickoff in Week 1. Up next in the "Position by Position" series, running backs, where I'll take a look at the wealth of talent on the roster for 2007.

You See What Happens When the Saints Are "Good?"

Well, I know it's been too long since we've had a Saints-related post, but when the Cubs are in first place...well, let's just say you have better chances of picking a booger made of diamonds from nose than that happening too often.

So, while the Cubs are warming up for their series opener against the Arizona Diamondbacks, the Saints just beat the ever-lovin' snot out of the hapless Kansas City Chiefs last night. As if living in Kansas City wasn't enough of a cock-punch, the looks of the football team are enough to make those folks want to jump headlong into their daily, 4:00 pm tornado.

Drew Brees and his birthmark were on fire last night. He completed 17 of 19 passes (that's a whole lotta 89.5% completion percentage), and if you take the reverse of that percentage, you get Rex Grossman's estimated completion percentage for the Bears in 2007.

Those 17 completions went for 182 yards and a TD to David Patten, who by all accounts and purposes, was a nobody for the last couple years. Patten cought 6 balls last night along with virtual unknown Lance Moore's 6 for 88 yards. Robert Meachem who? I tell you what, with the Bucs on the verge of cutting Michael Clayton, a former LSU grad from Devery Henderson's class, I'd expect the Saints to take a flyer on him. Who'd have expected Devery to have the more successful NFL career thus far?

The Saints look far and away light years ahead of all the competition over the last two weeks. The Chiefs were a 9-7 team last year, and the Saints embarrassed them last night. Granted, their quarterback is some hick from Alabama, but the Saints were near flawless on offense last night. Except for the two failed 4th and goals, they were unstoppable. Olindo Mare has been anything but the lonesome kicker thus far, as Sean Payton has instructed him NOT to kick the ball through the endzone for touchbacks just so he can evaluate his return team defense.

The Saints are all the rage on ESPN, which could be a dubious omen, but I have to admit that Saints fans have quite a bit to look forward to. This team looks really good so far, and I'm really excited about the upcoming season. I'll go out on a limb and say that they'll win the NFC South, or at least they should.

Temporarily Busy

I know it's been a little slow around The Dome this past week, and I apologize. I also realize that none of you have probably noticed that it's been slow, but whatever. I've been "training" for work, trying to be a more complete and more well-rounded ass kicker. It's working.

So, since the end of last week, several sweet ass things have happened. I did indeed purchase that truck I was talking about, and yes my ass kickery skills came in handy at the dealership. Second, Abita Springs came out with a new beer, Abita Pecan Harvest Ale. I've got two six-packs in storage now, and am aiming to get some more. Also, mom Nutsack found Abita's Strawberry Harvest Lager and is hoarding some away for her son. That's what good moms do. The Saints are showing up in the preseason and the first teams are really kicking some ass. The Bears and that wreched monkey-person they call a quarterback really stunk it up against the Colts and the world's funniest quarterback. Lastly, the Cubs are in first place! Yes, that's right...the former laughing stock of MLB is now in first place, staying there without the injured Alfonso Soriano. Bad Kermit's love muffin has come up big since being taken off the DL, and my very own love muffin is doing the same in helping the Cubs set the pace in the NL Central.

It's been a good week, and I wish my dedication to the art of ass kickeration wasn't so meticulous, because I'd much rather be entertaining you people. I'll have a review of Abita's new brew after more "research." Enjoy your Thursday. The Dome will be back in full force (whatever that means) tomorrow.

Come on Dooooown, If The Price Is Right!!!

Today, Mr. and Mrs. Nutsack travel East in an attempt to purchase a new truck, preferably a Toyota Tacoma PreRunner. Wish us luck, as I really hate dealing with cheesedicks and a-holes, especially when it comes to my hard earned money. Hopefully, though, the good people at the dealership and I will find some kind of compromise and I can roll through my neighborhood flossin' my icies in my...oh, forget it. Just wish us luck.

UPDATE 1.0: IN AN IRONICALLY RELATED STORY, WRIGLEYVILLE23 IS REPORTING THAT THE CUBS AND CARLOS ZAMBRANO HAVE AGREED TO TERMS ON A LONG-TERM DEAL.

UPDATE 2.0: IN A COMPLETELY UNRELATED STORY, I KEEP HEARING THE WORD "VACAY," AS IN AN ABBREVIATED FORM OF THE WORD "VACATION." PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE ALL THINGS HOLY, STOP USING THIS WORD. I BLAME HOLLYWOOD...COMMUNIST BASTARDS.

Video Game Review: "Madden NFL 08"

Well, nerds...the time has finally arrived. The draft has been completed, free agency has been...free agented...and training camps and meaningless preseason games are under way. In case you live under a rock, or are Mrs. Nutsack, you should all be well aware that Madden NFL 08 hit shelves at your favorite local video game retailer Tuesday morning at midnight. I've even heard of a few nerds actually going to Best Buy at midnight to purchase their copy. I get the feeling there will be a Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" commercial spot on the horizon for you folks. I digress. Last year's iteration was an abomination to the franchise, and with EA (Electronic Arts) owning the NFL license for the foreseeable future, any fan of the franchise had every right to be furious over the lackluster effort the game developers put forth in Madden 07. Would this year be any different? Well, who else to tell you, but your good friend Mr. Nutsack?

THE GOOD:

Call me old fashioned, traditional, conservative, or a pretentious a-hole, but I like core gameplay. I like the game to feel and look like it should, and how it is presented on TV (FOX is the very best at NFL TV presentation. It's fact). That means, I want the players to have realistic animations, look pretty spot-on compared to their real-life counterparts, jersey numbers to be correct, and accurate stadiums and uniforms. That being said, Madden 08 has done a pretty good job over last year's title. In Madden 07, you couldn't edit your player's attributes, accessories or appearance. This was a huge drawback for me (not to mention Marques Colston didn't appear in last year's game...whoops!). This year, fully customizable players are back. For instance...WR Robert Meachem's jersey number in the game is 85. However, if you've seen any Saints action this preseason, you know that Meachem dons #17. I can change that in this year's game, done and done.

Back to the on-field action. There's been much said about the new "branching animations" technology this year. What this is, in essence, is a small but vital detail in the core gameplay. In previous Maddens, a receiver would catch a ball, and the player would have to wait for the "catch animation" to conclude, then the player could hurdle...wait for the hurdle animation to conclude...and so on. This year, animations are much smarter. A running back will no longer run in place. He'll put a hand on the fullback's back and wait for blocks and running lanes to open. A receiver will now attempt sideline tip-toe grabs for first downs. Defenses will now gangtackle. And, more importantly, player models can enter and come out of context sensitive animations much more smoothly and quickly. It's a very fine touch, and is the biggest improvement and huge stepping stone for the Madden franchise and it's core gameplay.

The menu is fairly easy to use, but the depth charts and player editing menus can get a bit tedious. However, the menu music is outstanding. You can even choose which songs to include in your menu sessions. The list includes all of those great NFL Films tunes, some remixes of those tunes, and some new stuff from people I haven't heard of. The NFL Films music is immersive, and I applaud EA for putting that in the game. Great touch.

I haven't checked out Franchise Mode or any of the Minigames, but I'm sure they don't disappoint. Franchise is just a glorified Season mode, where you can take the franchise through 30 years, move it to a new city, sign/release free agents over the years, and build your dynasty.

THE BAD:

Presentation, presentation, presentation. Will there ever be as good an in-game, on-field presentation as put forth by the team at 2K Sports with their release of NFL Football 2K5? I mean, they had the ESPN Sunday Night Football graphic overlays, in-game graphical progress reports of your players, third down conversion rate graphical overlays, and the ESPN Sunday Night Football commentary team. And, the game was $20.00 for your PS2 or original XBOX. This year's Madden has some lame-duck stadium announcer that sounds like he's locked up in a meat locker in Ted Lilly's basement and vurtually no graphical overlays. That year, 2K Sports stormed EA's football simulation kingdom and knocked Madden off it's high horse. 2K was on a roll, and was looking to topple the Madden franchise for good. It's no coincidence that EA quickly gobbled up exclusive rights to the NFL licenses, crippling 2K's franchise for the foreseeable future. EA's been putting forth lame titles of Madden since then, and the gaming world has had enough. Until they learn to somehow get that presentation aspect of their game down, every Madden from here on out will forever be compared to 2K's 2005 footballer.

Lastly, I haven't been able to play a whole lot of the game, but I've yet to see where I can make formation-based substitutions. For instance, if I'm playing with the Saints, I would like inside linebacker Mark Simoneau to play in the 4-3 and 4-6 run defenses. However, I'd like the other inside linebacker, Brian Simmons, to play the position in the nickel and dime pass defenses. I've yet to figure out or see how I can make these substitutions. I've only seen depth chart substitutions, where I can substitute Brian Simmons for Mark Simoneau for every single defensive formation, which is not what I want. Once again, I could do this in a $20 PS2 game in 2K's NFL 2K5, but I can't do this in a $60, next generation Madden 08 game? Ridiculous. Get it straight, EA. You're pissing a lot of people off.

However, given these small bruises, Madden 08 is definitely the best next-gen football sim on the market. It's got a lot of good qualities, and the core gameplay is solid, if not stellar. On the other hand, the presentation (graphical overlays, etc.) of the game just lollygags and is pretty lame. Formation-based substitutions need to be implemented, because I'm tired of having my starting corner play gunner on punts and then be too tired to play the following set of downs on defense.

I don't know when EA's dominance over the NFL license ends, but when it does, I will be very happy to see new life breathed into the football sim forum. EA's been pretty weak thus far with it's Madden franchise, and for a company with all the rights to the game, I expect better for my $60. That said, I reiterate that Madden 08 is a good, solid game. Don't expect THE Madden experience, but still, it's a good one. If you are a fan of football and enjoy the on-field action Madden gives, go out and get Madden 08.

TDIH Video Game Rating: 4.25 "Telestrator 'Boom!'s" out 5.

Wake Up America, It's MADDEN 08 TUESDAY!!!

Well, I have to admit...I'm in a ferver today. It seems as though some little video game thingy, as Mrs. Nutsack would say, has hit shelves at midnight while I was sleeping last night. Yes, kids, it's the long awaited arival of Madden NFL Football 08 for the XBOX 360.

I'll be a good American and pick up my copy today, probably when the doors open at Best Buy, and Judo-chop all the nerds to get to the front of the line and secure my spot as head nerd of all nerdness. Anyway, after I play the game and get a feel for the gameplay, graphics and sound, I'll post a TDIH first "Video Game Review" for this year's Madden football iteration.

One last thing...for those four of you that frequent TDIH (and by "frequent," I mean "skim over to stay updated"), you may notice several "characters" showing up in the comments section. These are turdnuggets from other Cubs sites who happen to allow me to lower their standards of reading by hitting up The Dome from time to time. So, welcome to all newcomers. As always, comments and criticism are welcome, so feel free to leave your best. Be on the lookout for a review of Madden 08 sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. If your really would like a review at this moment, check out IGN.com's video review of the game.

What Really Grinds My Gears

It's now time for another installment of "What Really Grinds My Gears." Today's episode: Keeping Cliff Floyd in the Field in an 8-2 Ballgame.

Last night, the Cubs lost to the Astros at Minute Maid Park, 8-2. Cliff Floyd, the human statue, was allowed to remain in right field for the entirety of the game. Now, what really grinds my gears about this is that two very young and very athletic and very agile young men were brought up from AAA Iowa to play the outfield for this team. What I don't understand is why neither of them were used, say in the latter innings when Luke Scott came to the plate and jacked a two-run triple over a jogging...well, it could be yogging...could be a soft "j"....over the head of a yogging Cliff Floyd's head.

We all know, and certainly Lou must as well, that Cliff Floyd couldn't outrun Ron Santo, and Ron's got no legs. In fact, I bet a young Forrest Gump could outrun Clifford, even without his magic legs.

I'm not saying that putting Eric Patterson or Felix Pie or even Jock Jones in RF would have guaranteed us a win last night, but either one of them would have gotten underneath that ball and prevented at least a run from scoring. More importantly, my point is that Cliff Floyd is done as a regular player. He can't move out there and he should only be spot-starting and pinch hitting. Do I have a solution? Hell no. But, there are about 47 outfielders on the current roster, and I'm sure Lou can figure something out.

The Brewers got pounded yesterday, losing 19-2 to the hot Rockies, whom the Cubs travel to next. The Beermen are handing this thing over on a silver platter and the Cubs are turning their noses up at the dish. They better wake up, because opportunities to give their fans what they want have been few and far between in the team's history. Let's go, Cubs. Wake up and smell first place, and stop grinding my damn gears.

Sleepin' on the Sofa Bed at the Saloon

Well, it looks as though your good friend In a Nutsack gets around town pretty good. While hanging around the Hire Jim Essian! Shoutbox, I ran across a friend from another Cub blog. We'll call him Chip Wesley, and he's the main conributor, head cheese, and lead boss a-hole at a great site called Thunder Matt's Saloon. The Saloon is a great place to find Cubs and general baseball news, as well as sporadic but well-put movie reviews and rants. Anyway, Chip begrudgingly asked if anyone wanted to do a guest spot on the Saloon, and of course, me, being the Johnny Drama that I am, jumped at the opportunity. So, I typed up a few lines and shot them Chip's way and lo and behold you have this, my very own personal "VICTORY!"

So, big thanks go to Chip and the rest of the bartenders at the Saloon for allowing me to lower their standards on the grandeur of their stage. Raise a glass and all hail Thunder Matt.

Movie Review: The Bourne Ultimatum

Matt Damon's come a long way since his Good Will Hunting and Rounders days. And, he was pretty solid in those flicks, as well. Then come Robert Ludlum's Bourne series of books, of which the main character is...you guessed it, Jason Bourne, played by Matt Damon.

I haven't read any of Ludlum's works, so it's hard for me to compare the films to the books. That could be because I'd rather get a swift kick in the babymaker than read a book. Why stare at words for a few days when you can look at pretty pictures for 'round-about two hours?

As you all can probably agree, the first two films were pretty damned action-packed and fairly well casted. In Ultimatum, the action is fierce and, to a certain extent, "mindbottling." The director, Paul Greengrass, must be a big fan of "shaky camera shots," because I almost spewed kittens during the chase/fight scenes. It evidently got the best of Mrs. Nutsack, also, as she had a small bout of low blood sugar near the end. One sugar-crammed Airhead later, and she was back fighting the good fight. However, it didn't detract from keeping with the plot line and following along, it just made you wonder when the chase scenes would end so that you could regain your senses.

Matt Damon is, of course, outstanding as the film's hero, Jason Bourne. And, you also find a little more about Jason's life before Treadstone and how his former self connects to another character in the series. Julia Stiles makes yet another appearance as the appropriately cute Nicky Parsons. She's dynamite in the movie, as well. Then, there are your peripheral characters like David Strathairn as Noah Vosen, some kind of big-wig of a government agency, and Joan Allen as Pamela Landy, another kind of big-wig of a government agency. Strathairn is adequate at best, and Allen is only slightly better. They do play large parts in the "B" story in the plot line (not a bad thing, though), but fortunately Damon and Stiles are so good you rarely notice Strathairn and Allen's inadequecies.

I don't generally agree with Damon's views on...say, wordly concerns...however, I tried not to think about that as I paid my unGodly and wildly overpriced $8.75 to sit in an unfomfortable chair and listen to old people cough up lungs. Like I said before, the predecessors to Ultimatum were very successful and entertaining cuts, and the third falls right in line with an equally good story. To quote a great line from Paul Rudd in The 40 Year-Old Virgin, "I used to think Matt Damon was sort of a Streisand, but I gotta say he's rockin' the shit in this one." Touche'. Touche', indeed.

TDIH Movie Rating: 4.5 's out of 5.

A Fish Called Wandy

Wandy Rodgriguez? Really? Seriously? REALLY?!?! The Cubs whiffed 9 times against a kid named Wandy? Wandy went 8.0 innings and only gave up 4 hits and struck out 9...yeah, 9 Cubs last night. Unbelievable.

I was utterly disgusted with the highlights I saw last night. It was like watching the beginning of the end. I know, I know...I shouldn't go into a mental tailspin, but the Cubs have lost 5 of their last 7 games and the offense and pitching has been atrocious.

And, for an additional refreshing kick to the cods, as if Cubs fans are used to nothing less, LF Alfonso Soriano has a "1 cm tear" in his quadriceps and will require additional time (4-6 weeks instead of 2-4 weeks) to heal. Lou said it may be some time around Labor Day for Soriano's return, and possibly could take him out for the remainder of the regular season. That smarts. The Cubs recalled some kid named Eric Patterson, who is the younger brother of former Cubs "5-tool" prospect Corey Patterson. Turns out, Corey couldn't make use of his five tools and decided to melt them into one bigger, stubborn and free-swinging tool called...Corey Patterson.

Anyway, the Cubs are excited about Corey's little brother, a 2B prospect who turned to playing the outfield in his last 10 Triple-A games. He's hit .299 with 23 doubles, 6 triples, 14 HR's and 62 RBI and 16 stolen bases. He does sound very promising, but who knows how he'll be used in the coming month to two months.

Well, with Soriano out for the foreseeable future, our man Ryan Theriot has moved into the leadoff spot in the lineup. Last night, he managed to rap 2 hits in 5 chances and didn't strike out once. In fact, so far this season, he's only struck out 32 times out of 344 AB's, and has a walk-to-strikeout ratio of 35/32. He walks more than he strikes out. That's going to keep you in the majors for some time. He's played admirable defense and has a very good approach at the plate, and looks to be a good solution to the shortstop position for this team for quite some time.

Sean Marshall takes on Woody Williams at the Juice Box tonight, and the game should be carried on FOX Sports Southwest, the Astros local affiliate. After striking out a total of 13 times last night, lets hope the Cubs can push Woody from the game early tonight and post a 10 spot for Marshall. The Brewers continue to implode, falling 6-2 to the Rockies last night. They remain one game ahead of the Cubs in the NL Central.

C'mon, Cubs...it's so close, and the Brewers are making it so easy. Just man up and take the damn, thing, huh?

You Know What Grinds My Gears?

It's now time for an entry in a "series" I'll be calling "You Know What Grinds My Gears?" Now, I know...the word "series" implies that I'll actually have to keep up with it and keep posting so that you all (all 4 of you) can get your TDIH fix.

Well, if you don't know who the bag of dicks to the left is, his name is Dane Cook and he is a supreme, Grade A knuckleheaded cuntmuscle. I, for one, hate this guy. He's supposed to be a comedian, but I find him annoying and completely unfunny. And afiminate.

Anyhow, somebody thought that it would be a good idea for Dane to "star" in commercials promoting MLB's postseason. First things first, there's only one promoter of professional sports' postseasons--Don Cheadle. Don's been doing the NFL's commercials for some time now, and he's ligit. And people...y'know...actually like the guy. Dane, on the otherhand, needs to be shot in the face. IN THE FACE!

MLB, please find another spokesperson. I know Dane is "in" with the chicks, but check your market. Chicks dig the longball, not some douchebag who throws on a Red Sox hat and calls himself a fan.

Wild Pitches for Jesus!

The Cubs are in first place today. Wait...let me say it again...THE CUBS ARE IN FIRST PLACE TODAY! No, I'm not talking about my version of the Cubs on MLB 2K7. I'm talking about the God's honest, streaking, make you wanna get neked and run around your neighborhood sportin' a red, white and blue boner for your 2007 Chicago Cubs. Are in first place. First place. By percentage points, mind you, but who gives a shit?

Needless to say I'm high on life right now. And Cialis pills and Jesus. The Cubs are in first place.

First place.

Thanks, Brett Myers, for the lovely wild pitch that scored the beloved Thunder Matt Murton, and gave us our sole share of first motha-f'in place.

Cubs 7, Phillies 3; Cubs Remain 1.0 Game Back of Beermakers

Last night, the Cubs took the second game of the series from the Phillies. Jason Marquis was nothing short of lame last night, as he went 6.0 innings, gave up three runs, all earned, walked three and struck out four and gave up a homerun to Pat Burrell's corpse. The bullpen was great last night, as Ohman (using "great" and "Ohman" in the same sentence has got to be breaking the laws of nature), Marmol and Howry tossed 3.0 scoreless, and more importantly, walkless innings.

What's more important last night were the amount of walks Cub hitters compiled last night--five. Five walks. Somewhere, Dusty Baker is shaking his head at those "clogged bases."

Mike Fontenot had a pinch-hit, RBI single, raising his average to .311. I'd like to elaborate on Mike for a minute...I know when he got called up, he was hitting a robust .400 (round-about). He's levelled off a bit since that time, now back down to an Earthly .311. However, if your batting average comes down and mitres off around .300, you'll remain in the bigs for a long while. I hope he can keep it up and maybe have a chance at winning the 2B job next year. There are many "ifs" in that kind of scenerio, like free agency additions to the outfield, which affect where Mark DeRosa plays. If the Cubs can get a viable option in right field, be it a free agent or somebody like Matt Murton, then DeRosa most likely will be rooted at 2B with Theriot growing in to his role at SS. Not too shabby, but hopefully Mike will remain on the squad for quite some time.

The Brewers did win last night, as they edged the Mets in 13 innings, crushing Tom Glavine's hopes of a 300th win. Tom's wife was in attendance at Miller Park, and as the Mets fell, she had this look on her face like "Oh, shit...I came all the way to Milwaukee for this crap?" Priceless...

Well, the Cubs and Phills go at it tonight at 7:05 in game three of the four-game set. The pitching matchup is the 73 year-old Jamie Moyer versus the 13 year-old Rich Hill.

One more note...The cocktease cometh. He was strong in his outing for AA, and is expected to be added to the Chicago bullpen in the next couple days. A very, very pleasant surprise. Here's to you, Kerry...Mr. "Have 17 Surgeries, Yet Never Give Up on My Mountains of Talent" Guy. Beware...I hear he eats babies.

Go Cubs.

Wine and Baseball

I really don't know what the fuck that thing is in the picture, but it looks as though the Tin Man boinked a wine bottle and I decided to post the end result. However, I write to you tonight in sheer bliss.

I get home, and after mowing the lawn, take a nice warm shower, hit the kitchen for some sweet meatloaf and broccoli, watch yet more episodes of "Entourage," then saddle up with a Barefoot Chardonnay (I'm a beer guy, but for some reason I craved a little white wine for the evening) for the Cubs and Cardinals on the four-letter network, deuce edition.

So, there I sit...sipping on vino and watching the Cubs rally in their half of the fifth inning to the tune of a 6-1 lead over the Satanic Fowl. Genius LaRussa's only answer is to sit in the corner of the dugout with those sweet Blueblockers on and scratch his left asscheek trying to trigger thoughts from the right side of his brain. Anywho, the night couldn't be better...the Cubs are leading the Cards 6-1 in the 6th and there's a great lightning show going on outside to cap it all off. Here's to the Cubs putting the finishing touches on the Cards tonight.

By the way, baseball's equivalent of the largest cocktease on the planet has been lights out in Single A ball, and with some luck and a few "Hail Mary's," the K-Kid could be up as early as next week. For one thing, I think he all but deserves it. It's been nothing but a crap shoot being Kerry Wood in a Cubs uniform, and though it's the only uniform he's ever known as a Major Leaguer, I hope he finally finds a healthy groove and can get back to this team and guide the bullpen to the postseason....and, maybe...just maybe...some October festivities. Football, be prepared to take a backseat if the Cubs make the Series. It could be one of the signs of the Apocolypse. It'd be a good trade.